Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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