this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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