I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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