And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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