The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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