i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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