It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Soap is not a condiment
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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