He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
