thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
