Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
