I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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