I need help removing her.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We talked him into tasing himself.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
