DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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