I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
