based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
