I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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