Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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