They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
