i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
