I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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