Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
