I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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