READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
