dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
