I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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