If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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