I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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