Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
