I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
