Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
