I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
