I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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