I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
