My liver just broke up with me...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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