sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
