i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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