Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Screwed.edu
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
