I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize