I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
