Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize