85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
