I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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