So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
