my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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