WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
