u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
