does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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