somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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