People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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