C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
