it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
