yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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