Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
