You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
