ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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