Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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