I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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