Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
