His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
