My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
