My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
