Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
