i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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