They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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