So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
