I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
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i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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