I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
