morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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