My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
