sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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