WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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